me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
