The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
