we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
