Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
