Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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