farters have to be the big spoon...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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