I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
