If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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