Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
