so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
