I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
