and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
