I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
