They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
