I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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