im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
