I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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