so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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