the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
