Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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