ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
