Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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