Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
