Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am mentally ready for anal.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
