He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found your dick twin last night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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