So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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