Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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