we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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