Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
