am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
