He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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