Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
