You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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