He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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