apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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