Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
