OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
