By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
