At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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