Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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