We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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