The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
