And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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