My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
