Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
