Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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