Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
