and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
