Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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