john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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