Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
