She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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