He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
