Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
