At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
